On Sunday Radha and I flew home to Vancouver, and took the opportunity to discuss one of the chapters from our book, "You've Got A Friend." Over the course of our thirty-four years together, we've had the privilege to meet many wonderful people. We have also noticed that each of those relationships contained a definite level of intimacy, with that in mind we placed all of our relationships into three categories – acquaintances, friends, and fellowship.
Acquaintances are our associates, those we know on a casual social basis or our many business contacts. This category also includes: students; people we meet on our travels; sponsors and supporters of our Enlightening Relationships programs; even some of our family members are in this category; and finally those individuals and couples that we serve by performing weddings, funerals, and a number of our life transition ceremonies.
The second group includes friends. These are individuals with whom we have a much closer relationship. They are companions who hold similar beliefs and ideas. With these people we have emotional ties, and a shared history that keeps us connected. With our friends we are more relaxed and at ease.
However, with friends, as with acquaintances, there are definite limitations. We are careful not to overstep the parameters of the friendship. If you have a work-friend, for example, you may not feel comfortable sharing problems about finances, or your marriage. If you have a sports-friend you unite within that arena. For us friendship includes a deep respect for each others boundaries. We have friends we have known for many years and although dear to us, we understand that we do not reveal everything about our lives to each other. We love them for who they are. When an individual is only a friend, to us that means that there is a sense of reservation present.
The third category is fellowship. These are the people with whom we are most intimate (in-to-me-see). There are few, if any, reservations with people in this group; we trust each other implicitly. With members of our fellowship we would never allow anything to cause separation between us. Obviously, there are fewer people in this category. We invite and delight in constructive criticism. In our fellowship we have very few 'withholds'. Whenever an issue (self-limiting belief) is activated, we always take responsibility-never blaming the other person! Those in this group take 100% responsibility for their actions. These people posses a high level of integrity- to the best of our ability we are honest and authentic with each other .
Since we have never met anyone who is perfect, in our fellowship we can always count on loving kindness whenever we are out of balance. We do not expect that from friends or acquaintances. Our intention is to always be For Giving, and we can always call on a member of our fellowship when in need.
Please notice that the Mandala above is divided into three circles. The center holds our Fellowship, the second circle contains our Friends and in the outer third circle our Acquaintances reside. These relationship circles represent a fluid ongoing journey into the emotional and rewarding world of inter-personal relationships.
Oh, one last thing, there are no hard and fast rules here. No rigid delineations. There are numerous examples of an acquaintance immediately becoming a friend or a friend entering our fellowship. And it can go in the opposite direction as well. Just recently someone we love dearly choose to remove us from his life. Sad as that was for us, we understood and respected his decision.
This three-tiered system allows us to have realistic expectations with all the many people we encounter in our life.
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