Birthdays, Anniversaries, and Coincidences

Yesterday was my birthday, and as chance (fate? luck?) would have it, I was born in the same year that Gary and Radha got married. This is just one of the many happy coincidences we've discovered since the project began, and during this time I've come to know more and more deeply that some things are just meant to be. I've listened to each of them tell their stories, and watched the ways in which the past inevitably takes on hues of the present.

The story of their coming together would read very differently had it gone any other way. If Radha had chosen not to go to the 1976 silent retreat in Newport, or if Gary had never gone to visit her at the dome that fall, or if their marriage had fallen apart during the difficult times they shared together - if any of these things had happened, it wouldn't be the same book.

This is why I don't indulge in hypotheticals.

The fact that it did happen, and even with all the shadows of memory, it is a beautiful story. One of the first intimate conversations I had with Gary, I asked him, "Why did you leave the vows?" I didn't understand how someone who had been so committed, so rigorous, so steely in his resolve could have possible forgiven himself after realizing he had taken a vow he couldn't keep. Gary's answer, however, was as genuine as it was insightful. He responded: it wasn't my dharma.

This was something I understood. In my own life, I have lived - by the most conservative measure - three separate lives. Each of them has been beautiful in its own way, and likewise each of them has been painful to leave behind. When Gary answered me that day in December 2007, I immediately knew that the transition from monasticism to the life of the householder was a painful one because it meant letting go of many of the concepts he had spent the previous five years believing about himself.

Furthermore, I understood (perhaps even more than he did at the time) that it wasn't a matter of the vows not being right for him, but rather a question of him not being right for the vows. I believe this is a sadness we have all felt at one time or another, the moment of realizing we are not the people we thought we were, and I was curious to know more about how it all unfolded.

- Jeremy

Another View

When Gary first mentioned the idea of writing a book, I thought: who cares about an ex-swami and a hippie from the hills of Vermont?

Anyone that knows me, knows that I serve as ballast to his intrepid enthusiasm. I didn't understand the point of writing about ourselves if it was going to be nothing more than exercise in vanity. My husband is is nothing if not persistent, however, and after a couple of years he had amassed a number of chapters about different episodes in our life.

The book took on a life of its own, however, when a young writer named Jeremy came into our life a little more than two years ago. What initially began as a relationship based on barter (he was doing sessions with Gary) grew into something else. For the first time I was able to see Gary's initial vision, and the book took on a life of its own.

Since then, the format has kept changing and morphing, presenting itself in three distinct forms before finally maturing into what its become today. It is the story of two people who began their journey as just a couple of immature kids, straight out of college, confused and searching for meaning. Being such different people, we found it in different ways - the path of marriage and the path of renunciation.

Neither gave us what we were looking for, but in exploring further we found each other and our path together in yoga. It seems strange that so many people have such negative reactions to what was such a powerful, positive experience that continues on, "34 years and counting..."

These years have helped us in developing our trainings and workshops, and in the chapters we share our process by exploring those situations that helped us to understand ourselves and bring clarity to issues that keep us stuck in the past. We've watched our relationship tools transform people's lives, and if the title exposes more readers to our work I'm all for it .