"Hari Om,
I wish I could say i would check out your blog, but may I be honest? My first reaction was rather horrified. Swamis in the west are so often not understood, maligned, disrespected, that it really offended me to see the name of your blog."
Wow! Not what I expected. She hadn't even gone online to check it out, informing me that the name alone was a door closer. Now this is an intelligent woman who served as personal assistant to Swami Satchidananda when he was alive. This man was the most influential person in my life, and I was confused how a book that honors yoga, and specifically Integral Yoga, could possibly malign him. The thought that I was defaming the title of Swami, the entire ancient tradition of sanyas, and my teacher’s reputation was too big a leap for me.
Radha and I with Swami Satchidananda in 1980.I thought to myself that if she would only just look at the blog all the negativity would surely dissolve. The name of our book, The Swami and the Married Woman: Space Gypsies in Love, simply describes how Radha and I got involved in yoga, met Swami Satchidananda, and had our lives transformed in the process. Thirty-four years later we are madly in love with each other and travel the country offering our relationship tools to those who might also benefit from our forty years of experience with the science of yoga.
Radha and I know a number of the Swamis who live at the ashram in Virginia and didn't want this negative publicity, especially since some of them took their vows with me back in 1975. Unlike me, however, they were still living a monastic lifestyle. I wondered what other reactions might be. I soon received a second email from a swami on the Ashram Board of Directors, and realized that this situation was taking on a life of its own:
"Hari Om.
I very much agree with her. "Swami and the Married Woman" as a title sounds like an article in a tabloid magazine, not reflecting well on Sannyas and our Integral Yoga tradition. Something like "From Monasticism to Marriage" would be more dignified."
I very much agree with her. "Swami and the Married Woman" as a title sounds like an article in a tabloid magazine, not reflecting well on Sannyas and our Integral Yoga tradition. Something like "From Monasticism to Marriage" would be more dignified."
We feel very close to all our old friends in the organization, and I figured that if they just read the article, then they will see that the title is just plain old descriptive:
1) I was a meditation monk in the 1970’s until my teacher suggested and helped to guide me out of my vows.
2) Radha was married to her first husband Lee (who happens to be visiting us here in Florida as I write - but that's another story) until they both decided they were better off being sister and brother.
3) It was during this turbulent time that we met 1976. One year later we were married at the Montreal IYI.
The Swami and the Married Woman is a love story that credits Integral Yoga and our teacher Swami Satchidananda with giving us the tools that have made us who we are today. Why all the concern about "tabloids" and bringing down a five thousand year tradition? I was a swami, Radha was a married woman, and after leaving our existing vows we found love, meaning and purpose together. Wow, that is a success story - isn’t it?
Okay, one more point. The term swami can be defined in many ways, but they all describe a person who is focused on inner-fulfillment and spiritual growth. In the 1980’s and 1990’s we spent three months every year living in Himalayas, studying with a person who is married and has five children. His title is Swami, and he is addressed as Swamiji (a show of affection) by his students as well as everyone in the area - the title swami is not limited to describing a monastic.
So after some very deep reflection and contemplation I have concluded that you can please some of the Swamis some of the time but certainly not all of the Swamis all of the times.
I think I need a pause, a timeout, and a long sit in meditation...
Tell us, what does "swami" mean to you?
Swami in Sanskrit means "He who knows and is the master (or mistress) of himself (or herself)". In Bengali it reportedly also can mean husband.
ReplyDeleteClearly words and titles develop power if we let them, power can corrupt, power can also heal and empower people.
Well, one thing you can be sure of, the title grabs attention!
ReplyDeleteIn this culture, most people probably see swami as a monastic. We also know all the stories of swami's in the west who have overstepped their bounds by mis-using their power. The question might be do you want to go out on the limb of possibly offending people and have them NOT read the book because of the title? It doesn't offend me, still I can see the perspective of the people in VA.
ReplyDeleteto be honest, i was a bit off-set by the title of the book also. i wasn't sure what the book was going to convey from the title.
ReplyDeletealthough the book is in loving light of swami satchidananda, the title is a confusing way to get people's attention.
i agree with the previous post: due to instances of swamis blurring the lines of teacher/student specifically recently in the west, we must all very careful about the words we choose when describing relationships so that they are clear and don't promote ill feelings towards traditional yoga studies
Dear Gary,
ReplyDeleteWhenever a writer commits to telling their truth and expressing themselves in a way that is important to them, there will be people who try to tell them to do other wise. Some of the reasons may be good ones, they may appear sound and worthy of consideration and often the people expressing dissatisfaction with a person's writing are the ones closest to them such as family or close community members. However, every writer can and should reserve the right to express themselves and tell their story as they see fit and this includes what to call their book project.
As writers, it is not our job to ensure that no one reading our work will be offended by what we write. Our job is to tell the truth as we know it, to tell the story we wish to tell, and show the viewpoint we wish to convey no matter who says otherwise.
When I read your title, I was intrigued and impressed by how catchy it is. I liked it. I did not automatically assume it was going to tell me something tabloid about Integral Yoga or sannyas. I have more faith in my community and in the honored vocation of sannyas to immediately make such a leap. I did not know the sannyasin in the title referred to you, but I wondered about the story-line and was interested in learning how these two beings (sannyasin and married woman) were going to intersect. I felt interest, not automatic judgment. After all, I’m a married woman and one swami we both know and love had a very significant impact upon my life.
As I read more about your story and the focus of your book, I confess to becoming even more mystified by the comments you shared on your blog site. If I have read correctly, your story is about the significant positive impact yoga and Sri Gurudev had upon you and your wife and how, building on this, you learned to maintain an enduring, loving relationship--the skills for which you now teach to others. I cannot begin to understand how this could be construed as negative in any way. I am not one for censorship in general, but in your case, even the argument in support of it appears to be missing.
In response to the e-mails you received from Yogaville community members, I firmly believe it is categorically inappropriate for any governing body, religious or otherwise, to even suggest the censorship of written material. No organization has the right to do this. It is not your responsibility to bolster up what some clearly consider a sagging image of sannyas in the West. The order of sannyas, itself, is the sole entity responsible for correcting its image. Your responsibility, as for every writer, is to be true to yourself, true to your writing, true to your life’s experience, and true to the story you set out to tell.
I also happen to live with full faith in my community and the memory of Sri. Gurudev. I still live at Yogaville where I have been for about 28 years. I believe my community stands well on its own and so does not need to employ censorship in order to maintain good standing. It rests on years of good service to the world community and that ought to be enough.
I am pleased you have not considered changing your title in response to external pressure. It is a good title for what appears to be a good book. I wish you all the best for continued success in your writing and look forward to reading more on your site.
Yours Sincerely,
Lakshmi Bertram
Author, Choosing Waterbirth: Reclaiming the Sacred Power of Birth
www.theviewoverhere.blogspot.com
I really appreciate Lakshmi's perspective here. This post motivated some friends and I to satsang around the meaning and implications of commitments.
ReplyDeleteCommitments - whether they be to a husband, wife, job, God, or humanity - are always made from a place where it's impossible to know whether or not you will be able to maintain the commitment. The future always holds situations and circumstances beyond our conception, and this gap in awareness allows us to explore the tension between our true self and our perception of self.
It is the very act of taking a vow that changes the individual, and in the process of fulfilling (or not fulfilling) that commitment, the individual is able to learn more about unimagined possibilities as well as the limitations we overlooked.
For my part, I took a self-imposed vow of celibacy a little more than a year ago. During the course of this experiment I often found myself following the letter of the law (i.e. my concept) rather than the intent (my growth). In the end it allowed me to break out of self-defeating patterns, and in the process my life changed in ways far more drastic (and positive) than ever expected.
I believe this is the strength of a book like this because not only does create a public forum to discuss these things, but it allows people to benefit from the experience of those who have made commitments in earnest, only to learn that the life meant for them was other than they imagined.
I just received a phone message from the second Swami Sudhananda. She was given the name many years after I had already left the vows. She revealed how concerned she is that since I was the original Swami Sudhananda my past name will confuse her present students. She was concerned that I might be using my name in the book (which of course I do)
ReplyDeleteShe also said the title was in poor taste. She went on to say that it was not exactly respectful to the monastic order although it will sell books, it's not the kind of flavor I would expect a former monastic would want to be putting out there about Yogaville and Swami Satchidananda. She finished by saying that she believed It cheapened what the monastic experience is all about.
Now, I know this person. She is a sincere Swami who has helped many people with her kindness and love. Radha and I have met and spoke with her on three or four occasions when we were teaching at the Ashram. Radha and I travel teaching our Enlightening Relationships that include a dozen relationship tools that we have created after practicing and teaching yoga, mediation, and body-centered physcotherapy. We choose to be inclusive and unifying in all my words, thoughts and deeds. Therefore I know it is important that we keep our title and take the time to communicate with these very worried and concerned yogis.
Interesting that some people automatically make strong negative opinions about something they have not investigated. I am amazed that there are three yogis who reacted without even reading the blog. I have this eveing invited them via email to both read the blog and call me so we can discuss their concerns.
The swami controversy continues...
This is a wonderful exchange that reveals our fears, hopes, hurts, disappointments, dreams, values, honor and many other distinctions that we hold dear. I hear core values being discussed as well as the definitions of roles we take on in this lifetime.
ReplyDeleteI hear a lot of fear being expressed and the sincere desire to preserve reputations.
There is truth in all of these points of view and as a collective we are seeing the shadow parts of ourselves unwittingly play out. As part of a larger body, each of these points of view is representative of a part of our selves. The good, bad, maligned and misunderstood.
I know many of the people who are referenced in this discussion. They are all steeped in Gurudev's teachings, each from a different point of view.
At first blush, the worlds of sexuality and the monastic vows of celibacy collide because of their differences. In this time of the Kali Yuga where there is an overemphasis and undervaluing of the sexual union, and a erosion of so much that we hold dear, it is understandable that the title of your book would evoke strong emotions. This however is not necessarily a bad thing. With strong emotions we are given a chance to reexamine our belief systems, sterotypes, assumptions and limitations.
This reminds me of the time I saw an articled titled, "Have an Awful Christmas". At first I decided not to read the article because I didn't want to ingest someone's negativity. Later though I decided to read the article only to learn that I had been misusing the word awful. It was a very big learning experience. The article was full of love, spirituality and was well written. I looked up the word awful and was surprised to see its true meaning: full of awe.
Where the worlds of sexuality and the monastic vows of celibacy dance harmoniously together is in their union with the divine. Two approaches, same outcome.
I have not read your book. My hope is that you dedicate a large section of it to educate people on the honor, tradition and respect that is due to our monks so that people who do not have a reference point will be exposed to this beautiful and honorable way of life. I suspect that you have done this very thing.
May we all be more tolerant and understanding. May we all show respect for those things we do not understand. May we all be filled with peace and joy, love and light.
The truth is one, the paths are many.
With great love and respect,
Kamala
ic@integrationcoaching.com
Gary,
ReplyDeleteWhen I first read the title of your book I wasn't sure what it was referring to until I read your explanation. Am I offended by the title in a word ... NO. Would I pick up a book by that title, probably not, but only because it wouldn't seem to be of interest to me.
I was dismayed to read the some of the negative comments from the Yogaville community but not too surprised. I was pre-sannyas myself and remember the reaction when I announced at a family meeting that I was leaving the monastic life. One person in particular took it personally and seemed to think I made the decision off the cuff instead of agonizing over it for months.
I want to commend Lakshmi Bertram for her comments. Here is a young lady who virtually grew up at Sri Gurudev’s feet and whom after reading her comments shows that she has taken his teachings very much to heart.
Aruna