Banff Vacation and India on the Horizon

It's been a long six years since we made the decision to move to Vancouver, and although the transition has involved some stressful times, lots of hard work, and hundreds of hours of planning, Radha and I are finally enjoying our new home. With all this effort finally coming to fruition, we decided that we deserved a vacation. It had been seven years since we took any personal time off, so after receiving an invitation to attend a wedding in Banff, we made the plans for a nine-day road trip.

Banff is in Alberta, nestled in the Canadian Rockies

Josh, the middle son of our dearest friend Allan, was marrying a wonderful Indian woman whose parents have roots in the Punjab area of India. The celebration would take place over the course of three days, and since Radha and I are leading a group to India this October, we couldn't have imagined better timing.

Jacob and Sonya Hirsh

Having no knowledge of the interior of the provinces, we pulled out the maps only to discover that it was a fourteen-hour car drive from Vancouver! Banff is a popular resort town, known for its spectacular outdoor activities, and we decided to take the scenic route by adding in the Kootenay Mountains as well as the desert areas near the US border.

On July 13th we packed up our Prius and headed east. After an evening in Kelowna, we reached the base of Mount Robson where we stayed at a cozy B&B named the Mountain Lodge. From the balcony of our second floor room we stared out at the second highest peak in the Canadian Rockies:

Mt. Robson, 3954 meters (12,972 feet)

The sound of the stream below our room was deafening, and later that day we took a hike through the forest until we heard the sounds of rapids ahead, which are fed by melting glaciers at higher elevations. Following the mountain stream, we were led through a pine groove covered in mist caused by the water pounding and splashing against the rocks in front of us. We both looked around the forest realizing that, although there was no person or animal in sight, we were not alone. This magical spot gave us the sensation and feeling that something invisible was present:

Radha in a Magical Forest Grove

Over the course of our sixteen trips to India we have come to know this feeling well, from the temples to the sacred rivers the towering Himalayas. The tingling feelings of being in the presence of something that was beyond the physical realm, and we sat down to meditate and savor the connection to what we knew were the spirits of the forest. With the cool mist wafting through the trees we saw the rapids directly in front of us – this was our introduction to the unspeakable power of the Canadian Rockies:

rapids near our lodge

We were captivated by the sight, the sounds, the smells, and the unseen communication with the subtle world present all around us. The coolness caressed our faces as we stood motionless, allowing the vibration of the water and the forest to sooth and heal our travel-wearied bodies. Eventually we walked back into the woods and noticed animal tracks leading along the water’s edge. Barely visible through the moss, we followed the tracks back to our lodge.

The next day we drove through Jasper into Banff National Park and were literally overwhelmed by the enormousness of the mountains. There was so much to take in, and the only thing I could compare it to was what a hard drive must feel when it reaches its storage capacity. With so many pixels of beauty surrounding us, we felt like we were downloading more than we could handle and decided to stop once more. Much like the day before, we closed our eyes in order to allow the spectacular scenery to be processed by our brains and mind. The most noticeable experience was how small and insignificant we were in comparison to all the greatness around us.

Continuing onward, we enjoyed a delicious lunch at the Fairmont Hotel at Lake Louise:

Lake Louise

We reached Banff late that afternoon and enjoyed our first home cooked meal in three days. Then, the wedding celebrations began:

For the next three days we experienced a perfect melding of Jewish and Indian traditions:

There was dancing, singing, chanting, purification ceremonies, eating, and more dancing. And, needless to say, Bollywood was alive and well at this party!

It was a gorgeous ceremony surrounded by the mountains, and a fabulous opportunity to spend time with our dear friend Allan and his partner Joan. Radha and I were thankful to be there.

On the ride back through the desert area of Osoyoos we spent an evening enjoying the farmlands that produce much of the food we consume in Vancouver:

Osoyoos, an irrigated desert

In order to provide land for the returning soldiers from the Second World War, the Canadian government irrigated the desert and gave the land to the returning soldiers. Filling our car with fresh fruit and vegetables, we embarked upon the final leg of our road trip.

On the way home we realized that the wedding had reignited our love of India and its peoples, and that in a short while we would be returning to India for our seventeenth trip after a decade long hiatus. In a few months we will return to the birthplace of a tradition that recognizes the importance of living in harmony and cooperation with Mother Earth and all the other realms that provide us with sustenance, peace and well-being.

Brotherhood

This morning, sitting by the warm fire and enjoying the cool Pacific breeze, I looked at the promotional poster for a special event next week. Jeffery Armstrong, a dear friend and fellow traveler on the path of wholeness, has just written a book called The Spiritual Teaching of the Avatar. The launch is only one week away, and I am so excited for him.

What came to mind as I looked at the poster was the word "brotherhood", which has been an important theme running throughout my life. I was the oldest child and only male in my family, and although growing up with two sisters allowed me to learn plenty about the feminine side of life, I always wondered what it would be like to have a brother. Then, during my time as a monk, I began to experience the importance of having close male friends. I relished it, and for the past forty years I have known the joy of having authentic and intimate (in-to-me-see) relationships with men. Presently, I have eight (Jeffery makes nine) very important males who are a part of my fellowship. Each one holds a special place in my life and all of them are yogis!

My brotherhood includes: Lee, an Assistant VP of Real Estate Development; Sid, an award winning television director; , Fred, a dentist; , Allan a therapist, Jack, a businessman, Maurice, a government employee, Stephen, a theater design consultant; , and Mel, a business consultant. Some of them are quiet and understated, others are gregarious, but all of them possess the highest degree of emotional availability. We share the sorrows, joys, concerns and bliss of life, and each of us possess qualities that balance and compliment each other. And we all love life to the fullest, which means humor is always high on our priority list.

Now let me tell you a little bit about Jeffery. The very first time I met him I knew I was meeting an old friend, someone who I soon learned had been traveling the same path as I, and for just as long. Only three years my elder, we have some remarkable similarities.

We met last September upon the urging of Gabrielle, a lovely woman who studies and practices Chinese medicine. She escorted me to his weekly class, and as I walked up to the doorway of his home, we both immediately recognized each other. A heart-felt hug was the precursor to a wonderful Wednesday evening, and even though i have met and studied with many amazing yogis and spiritual teachers over the past forty years, his class on the Baghavad Gita was by far the most spectacular I had ever experienced. He shared wisdom with humility and humor (a combination I think is essential in any teacher), and I was impressed by the fact that he was living his life in accordance with the very same principles that have defined mine.

It turns out that we both have spent the last four decades dedicated to the study of Vedic knowledge. An ancient set of scriptures, the Vedas offer a road map of how to live in complete harmony with our body and mind, our dear mother earth, and all sentient beings. Not only did we have this in common, but we were also both altar boys, joined ROTC during college, directed an international spiritual organization, had taken vows of poverty, chastity and obedience in the Holy Order of Sanyas, and ultimately decided to leave our vows in order to pursue our life’s calling. For both of us that meant dedicating our life to service, which is called seva in Sanskrit. Every one in my brotherhood lives in accordance with this principle, and we believe that a healthier planet with joyful inhabitants is a win-win for everyone.

So, right here in Vancouver, I have found a yogi brother who has spent the last forty years studying, practicing and teaching yoga. He is also a poet of extraordinary talent, and I feel fortunate to know Jeffery. A good friend is one who inspires you to be a more loving individual and a more productive member of society, all the members of my brotherhood do that for me. ALthough Jeffery is the newest member of a group of conscious and loving men, all of whom are both insightful and inspirational, it gives my heart such delight to know we are now together once again. Our connection also has allowed us to hang out with other powerful men:

Jeffrey and me with Deepak Chopra

I am blessed to know these men, and I am thankful for the strength and balance they add to my life.

Postscript: On Monday June 29th Jeffery Armstrong's The Spiritual Teaching of the Avatar will be presented to the world. I predict that the book will offer important lessons for everyone who wants to be a part of the healing process for our planet. Check him out!

http://www.jeffreyarmstrong.com/

Celebrating Our Anniversary (a letter to Radha)

Dear Radha,

I’m so thrilled that on June 18th we will be married for thirty-four years. For over three decades you have been putting up with my craziness, and I love you so much more than the first day we met, more than the day we got married barefooted and cross-legged in front of more than one hundred twenty smiling faces, and even more than when we celebrated our twenty-fifth wedding anniversary with a candle light Indian meal around our pool in Florida.

traditional Canadian wedding cake, 1977
(dried fruit and cream cheese)

I love you more because you have helped me to know myself better, and it was this that spoke to me when we first met. I was a struggling Swami trying to find out who I was and where I was going in my life. I read our vows the other day, to love and serve humanity, and I was pleasantly surprised to realize how we have kept true to them after all these years. How fortunate we are to have realized so young that our happiness and success would hinge on serving and loving others.

I know you will remember the eight foot pillar standing in the gardens at Sivananda Ashram in Rishikesh, India. In front of the Himalayan backdrop,we stood appreciating that they had our vows etched in stone for all to read: Serve, love, meditate and realize (our true loving nature).

And sweetie, looking back I realize that through all the difficult and challenging times those vows kept us on course. I’m so thankful to all our teachers, but especially Swami Satchidananda and Ron Kurtz. And let’s not forget our crazy meditation teacher in India. All three were major influences on us and had a huge impact on our understanding of Yoga, meditation, and body-centered psychotherapy.

Serve. Love. Meditate. Realize.

Swami Satchidananda initiated us both into the importance of calming the mind, connecting to our center, and serving humanity as a path to wholeness. Ron taught me Hakomi Therapy (a Hopi word meaning how do you stand in the many realms). It was his influence that permitted us to see how the body and mind can be used to process emotional trauma while learning how to be comfortable within ourselves.

Hakomi training, 1981

The crazy Swami taught us how to meditate.

in Montreal with the crazy Swami, 1984

After spending three months, over sixteen years, living in our tiny apartment in the Himalayas we learned how to connect and live our life from the purest place beyond the mind.

We're returning this October!

These three teachers enabled us to bridged the gap between the emotional processing of psychotherapy with the powerful spiritual teaching found in yoga and meditation. They taught us to integrate the most functional aspects of east and west.

There were other teachers as well, but it was these three that enabled us to integrate and live the holistically focused life that defines who we are. Spending time with them taught us many powerful tools that have enabled us to deal with all those challenging situations in our life with integrity, honesty and compassion.

As our anniversary grows near I celebrate the fullness of life with you. I could never imagine doing it without you.

- Gary

Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway

I sat down last evening in front of my computer to connect with our Tuesday evening meditation group in Florida. In spite of the 3 hours time difference, and more than 3000 miles between us, I felt as close to them as ever, and we continued our study of Patanjali's Yoga Sutras. This text has survived more than two thousand years, and it explains how the mind – as an instrument of perception – gives rise to the sense of individuality.

By observing the mind, we come to know that we are not the mind, but rather pure consciousness itself. Think of your hand for a moment and ask the question: "Am I observing my hand or am I my hand?" Most of us will readily recognize that we are not the hand, but that we have a hand. The same is true with the mind. After nearly forty years of practice, I have become completely convinced of this fact. There is a place of perfect stillness, beyond thought, emotion and memory, pain and pleasure. This is the state called mediation, and I have found it to be the most effective method of surfing the inevitable waves of emotions we experience in life.

By transcending our individual consciousness and merging into something beyond, we experience peace. And each time we return, it helps us to see the perfection in all the pain and suffering that comes with individual existence. I have found no exceptions to this, and even the passing of my mother last year, although profoundly sad, was strangely perfect. There was deep sorrow, but also peace and acceptance.

When we're not connected to this place inside us, we experience fear. Over the past year, this is an emotion I've gotten to know really well as I've had to confront how many things in my life lie almost entirely outside of my control. Besides my Mom's passing, Radha had her final ear operation this past December, and for months I couldn't shake the intense feeling that she wouldn't survive the operation. I finally allowed myself to consider how I would go on with out her. Priorities shifted, and my love for her deepened beyond comprehension. I wanted to explore every facet of this fear and did not to use my mediation practice to try to transcend it. I decided for the first time in my life to make friends with fear.

I practiced preparing for the moment when I will pass from this physical reality back in 1972, when I studied at the Buddhist Dharma Center in Montreal. Yet, twenty-eight years later, it seemed more immanent. As the date for her operation grew closer, I was confronted by a dilemma: Radha needed my assurance that everything was going to be okay, but I was allowing myself to experience the fear of losing her. Fortunately our relationship is strong, and I was able to be there for her while still sharing with her the fear we both felt.

During the operation I was allowed to stay in the room where she would later recover. I quietly meditated and called out to friends around the US and Canada. The fear was powerful, and I kept open to it without being overwhelmed. I stayed present to the emotion just as I would comfort a scared little kid. Thankfully the operation was a success, but the knowledge remained that one of us will almost certainly outlive the other.

As my wife recovered with the loving care of our entire meditation community in South Florida, I strangely could not shake the feeling. Fear still held a fascination with me, but I did nothing to stop it, choosing intead to fully explore the depth of its offerings. For many months afterwards I allowed myself to breathe deeply into this amazing emotion. I made friends with it.

It is now May, and we have returned home to Vancouver after a successful season in our other home in the States. For the first time in the eight years of spending time in this wonderful city, Radha and I presented a program that would introduce ourselves to the community by offering a program called "The Three Biggest Blunders Facing You In All Your Relationships."

Fear tagged along with me that night, and even though I felt disappointed by my own performance, Radha was there to help make the night a special event. It was then that I finally embraced fear as a true friend. After a full year of remaining present and available to this important emotion, the fear dissolved into a feeling that everything is now perfect once again.

Radha and I before the event

More to come I am sure, but at this point I can say with certainty that I am not afraid of fear any longer.

Disagreements Are Invitations To Go Beyond Our Stories

Recently on our Facebook page (Gary Gopal Radha Bello) a fellow yogi named Lawrence, who also lived at the Integral Yoga Institute in New York City back in 1972, took a strong position against my posting an Earth Day prayer to mother nature. I was shocked by the firestorm that followed:

the conversation looked like this at times

Forty postings later, I was delighted by the many different stories contributed by various other friends and acquaintances. It had never occurred to me that there is an entire segment of the population that considers it “idolatrous” to appreciate the feminine force behind creation.

The good news is that, in spite of the controversy, Lawrence appreciated my relaxed style of engaging him about the issue. Although I agreed with the reactions from most of the people sharing their points-of-view, I had no intention of preventing Lawrence from sharing his comments on my profile page. Rather than being closed-minded or dogmatic, my wife and I invite those who disagree with us to share their ideas - we learn so much from these interactions.

As the debate continued, I was reminded of our days in Vermont during the 80’s and 90’s when we directed our non-profit meditation retreat center. More than a few of our students were critical of our propensity to spend time with those who did not follow our life style nor beliefs. We explained that these individuals tested and challenged our commitment to the practices, and that we actually experienced a deeper understanding and appreciation of our own path when questioned by others. How can we grow if we only associated with individuals who agreed with us?

We discovered early on in our practices that disagreements were invitations to go beyond our stories, so Radha and I have trained ourselves (with the assistance of mentors like Swami Satchidananda, Ron Kurtz, and others) to pay attention and notice our reactions to opposing views. We respond by pausing whenever we find ourselves stuck in an opposing story during a disagreement. The last thing we want is to have our stories prevent us from remaining open to opposing viewpoints – without making the other person wrong. Our Enlightening Moments relationship tools have proven to be a valuable asset to the individuals, couples, and groups we coach.

a Blissful Disagreement in action

Avoiding disagreements, or forcing your opinion on others prevents us from learning and growing. Think of a surfer sitting on his board in a wave-less ocean – she may be floating steady, but I would hardly call it surfing. We view disagreements as the huge swells that challenge us to move beyond our comfort zone. Our spiritual practices and our life experiences have taught us the importance of staying open-minded when disagreements arise.

For us, conflicts are invitations to notice the self-limiting nature of our stories. If everyone agreed it would be dull world, and we would remain stagnated in the illusion that we were a finished product rather than a growing, living organism. This posture of curiosity and acceptance of opposing views has added to our success, and that has kept us young in thought, open to new ideas, and always available for a passionate debate or disagreement.

Try the following exercise as a means to experience a disagreement as an invitation to go beyond your story:

Remember the last time you had a strong disagreement with a business associate, friend or family member. Determine the actual facts of the situation (as in who said what), and then, get clear about why you reacted. Your reaction is what we call your story. Finally, ask yourself what was the invitation hidden in that situation?

Gary and Radha are thrilled to be back home in Vancouver

Breath of Life

I started my yoga practice in 1971 when I was twenty-one years old. Although healthy overall, I had suffered from both allergies and asthma since childhood, and assumed it was something I would just have to deal with for the rest of my life. One of the new things I learned from my yoga instructors, however, was a series of breathing exercises called pranayama (life force).

Gary, 25 years old, in scorpion pose

After a year of regular practice, I noticed dramatic results from my breathing program. Not only was I calmer and more focused, but my seasonal allergies had decreased and I no longer experienced asthmatic episodes. Now, forty years later, I am a perfectly healthy 61 year-old with an abundance of energy. I wake before six each morning and, except for meditation and meal breaks, run non-stop until almost 11 o'clock. Others sometimes have trouble keeping up with me, a fact to which my thirty-two year old assistant will gladly attest.

A human being can live without food for many weeks, and we can survive days without water. Without oxygen, however, a person can live for only a few minutes. This simple comparison illustrates why breathing is so important - to breathe is to live.

I have taught numerous eight week courses on ‘Yogic Breathing Exercises,' and I invariably chuckle when people ask me why they need to pay for a course on breathing; “I’ve been breathing since I was born. Why do I need this?"

The answer may surprise you.

The lungs can hold up to 12 pints (about 6 liters) of air. And although some of that is residual air that is not exhaled, do you have any idea what the average inhalation may be? The average person inhales and exhales one to two pints of air with each breath. That’s right, a mere 10% of the amount of oxygen necessary to promote the proper reproduction of cells and maintain the health of the body.

Furthermore, too little oxygen means a higher concentration of carbon dioxide in the blood stream, causing the blood to be acidic. The medical doctors with whom I've worked have informed me that almost all diseases are caused from a sustained imbalance in the degree of acidity/alkalinity in the blood. Without enough oxygen in the blood, stress and fatigue break down a person’s immune system. Given that our society values work and productivity over relaxation and balance, it's no wonder that we have so many people who are experiencing physical and emotional problems.

Acidic blood also triggers the "fight or flight" reaction in the brain. This condition causes the adrenal glands to splash adrenalin into the blood stream, causing our bodies to react as if we were under attack. Remember how it feels when someone cuts you off on the freeway? While purely speculative, a constant state of adrenal agitation leads me to question if this might be one of the many contributing factors in the amount of violence we read and hear about every day.

Conversely, when you train yourself to take deeper breaths and longer exhalations (yogic breathing), the oxygen levels in the blood increases, creating more alkalinity in our bodies. This activates a center in the brain that produce the relaxation response. This center is in the brain's frontal lobe, an area that controls decision-making. In order to make appropriate decisions in our life this center has to activated. Stress unfortunately deactivates this center! I think we all know at least one person who continues to make bad choices (each time expecting different results) in their life. Check out their shallow breaths!

The breathing techniques found in yoga can literally change your life. One need only imagine what a different society we would live in if only we taught our children how to handle stress by employing a few simple breathing exercises rather than harmful activities like drinking, smoking, and turning to bad food choices for comfort. Too much carbon dioxide is poisonous to the human body, and I find it an apt, but a sad metaphor that our planet is now experiencing the same problem- excessive carbon dioxide emissions continue to contribute to global warming. Yoga encourages us to decrease our carbon footprint, only this one is inside our physical body!

Yogic breathing trains an individual to increase oxygen levels by using more of our lungs' capacity. Our nervous system strengthens, our digestion improves, and the cells in our body repair and reproduce themselves correctly. More oxygen means more energy. This permits us to experience life in a more relaxed, dynamic and productive manner. After teaching more than 60,000 yoga, breathing and meditation classes I have observed that clients who include a regular breathing program in their daily routine soon discover that their body is healthier, their mind is clearer, and they are much better at coping with the challenges and stresses of daily life.

There is one important point to make concerning the Breath of Life. With only a few exceptions, yogic breathing relies on the use of the nose. Mouth breathing weakens the immune system, one of the reasons for this is because it fails to stimulate the five cranial nerves located on the ceiling of the nasal cavity. These nerve centers are essential to our appreciation of the subtle, invisible pleasures offered by life. The most well-known, of course, is the olfactory nerve, which gives us the sense of smell. Just imagine the last time you smelled something you liked. Whether it was a rose, the scent of a fresh-cooked meal, or the full breaths you take upon reaching the beach, you inhaled deeply, allowing your brain to fully appreciate the smell. When it came to designing the human body, Mother Nature did an amazing job.

Breathing through the nose also regulates our emotions, the science of yoga teaches that every smell has a corresponding emotion. You can see these in how the nose responds to different situations. When we are angry the nostrils flare, when in your lovers arms both nostrils open widely, in deep meditation the slightest stuffy nose disappears, and when we cry our nostrils become clogged. Using the techniques that have been passed down for thousands of years, we are able to keep out bodies and minds in balance by paying attention to the cues from our body. Thus allowing us to expertly navigate through the emotional landscape of our life.

Try this simple Three Part Breathing technique:

1. Take a slow deep breath (using your nose of course) as you puff out your abdomen, then expanding your rib cage, and finally feel the air reaching up to your shoulders.

2. Exhale very slowly in the opposite direction: shoulders, rib cage and end by pulling your tummy in.

3. Repeat this for three to five minutes.

If you begin to feel light headed it means the oxygen levels are increasing and the carbon dioxide levels are decreasing. Over time your body will recognize this as normal. Practice this yoga breathing exercise twice a day for a week and notice the results.

I often joke with my students about how wonderful it would be if our parents had received an owner’s manual as soon as we were born. And there, on the first page, in bold letters, would read:

This manual contains all the information necessary to allow your child to remain healthy and emotionally balanced for their entire life. Therefore, please read and memorize chapter one entitled: Breath of Life!

Gary, 61 years old, in king dancer's pose

So... What's Your Story?

We just sent out the publicity for an upcoming talk at the Serai Social Club in Vancouver. Serai is taken from Turkish, and it originally referred to a meeting place for caravans, allowing different travelers to meet on their respective paths. When the manager inquired about a possible topic for the evening in February, we decided to first speak with the owners and learn more about the organization. Radha, unfortunately, was busy packing up the house for our impending return to Florida so I invited our friend and collaborator Greg to join me.

we'll be home to Vancouver in less than 6 weeks...

The Serai Social Club began as the Campoverde Social Club, founded by Rachel Greenfeld and was recently purchased and renovated by two lovely people, Cybil and Michael. They had been members of the club in its original conversation, and we all enjoyed a lively conversation while sitting on the club's cozy, comfortable couches.



It was then that I realized how fortunate it was to have this social club in our neighborhood. Kitslano is a fabulous area of Vancouver, and the friendly people that walk these streets are one of the reasons Radha and I decided to relocate from South Florida. This sense of community was only reinforced when Cybil and Michael told us about the club's sole requirement for membership - to reach out and connect with everyone.

To me, it sounds like the perfect reason to go out at night. Rather than sitting alone in a crowded bar or restaurant, at this place you could enjoy talking to the people around you. A ready-made community of friendly individuals who were interested in being a part of your world, talking, laughing, and sharing stories.

Michael told me how he had been traveling in London, and after a disappointing experience at a local pub he discovered one of the many social clubs that are spread out all over London. His love of conversation and listening to others share their life so enthusiastically led to his joining Compoverde upon his return a few months later. Not long after, he and Cybil decided to purchase the club.

As the four of us talked together, I became excited that Radha and I would have the opportunity to meet the other members of this great establishment. After all ,we have spent our life enjoying hanging out with people who love people. I told her about my experience when I got home that evening, and we immediately began brainstorming what we might share with the club's members.

A week later, it came to us like a bolt of lightning. The techniques and tools we share with others are drawn from our own experience, and - as anyone who has ever joined us for satsang can attest - storytelling is a large part of our teaching method. Realizing that the social club provides a place where people gather to share food, wine and conversations about their lives, we decided to share some of the stories from our life. After thirty-plus years of marriage, seventeen (soon to be 18!) pilgrimages to India, and two trips around the world, we have plenty of them.

Radha riding a camel in Jaipur, India

So, we'd like to know.... What’s your story?

Watching Things Change Around Me

In our work, Radha and I have many opportunities to interact with conscious and loving individuals, and one of our most prominent goals is to practice compassion. Definitions abound for this word, but for us, it simply means keeping our hearts open to all those who are suffering. Some of them we know intimately, yet this morning it was much bigger then that. I woke feeling sensitive and vulnerable, and there was a heaviness in my chest as I contemplated those in need who we do not know. Earthquakes, floods, the recent tsunami - so many people have been suffering these past months.

Four decades of meditation have allowed me understand the impermanence of my body, my mind, and everything that makes up this world around me. Yet, I would never want that to downplay the emotional experience of watching things change every day, every month, every year and certainly every moment. What I felt this morning was not overwhelming, just a gentle swirling sadness that invited me to sit in meditation and send out wave after wave of soft surrender.

In our weekly meditation gathering the evening before, I laughingly used my self as the example for the ever-changing nature that we call Life. I told how shocked I was a few months ago when suddenly the image in the mirror had my father’s throat. Wrinkled skin had suddenly appeared where, only the day before, there was the smooth skin of a twenty year old. I laughed along with the others for the image actually made me feel closer to my Dad than ever before.

me and my Dad, looking more alike every day

Hmmm... Maybe my sadness is born of the realization that next month will be the anniversary of my Mom’s passing. Or maybe, without even knowing it, my upcoming 61st birthday is sending me a signal. I love that I feel these deep emotions, and it seems to me that dancing through this ever-changing field of possibilities is the only viable option. What begins in a flash, so quickly (or not so quickly) inevitably ends. Pleasure and pain mix together so perfectly, and offer an infinite variety of moments where we can either let go (let G_d) or struggle fruitlessly, hoping and striving for the fulfillment of our desires.

I know that life is an exquisite movement of consciousness. And, as I embrace every emotional interaction with my world, I am re-minded that we are all connected to the same Source. Truth is One, and the paths to it are so many.

Dress Up Time for Your Salad?

A group of us gathered this Saturday for our monthly meditation day. Although we love the hours of hatha yoga, pranayama (breath work), discussions and long periods of meditation, everyone looks forward to sharing a vegetarian meal at the end of the program. Our delivery of local veggies had arrived two days earlier, and I planned a soup and salad with fresh multi-grain bread from Old School Bakery.

a beautiful head of lettuce from this week's delivery

When I emptied the box of veggies I was impressed by the amount of prana (life force) that poured out onto the kitchen counter. Our assistant Kalyani prepared the lettuce, and I sliced some of the beautiful tomatoes, including the small grape tomatoes that came in a variety of colors. As I held up the gorgeous two-toned green and red pepper, my husband walked over to inspect the produce. It was then that I remembered I didn't have any salad dressing.

We've avoided commercial dressings for many years, even at the natural food store. As soon as I started to read and pay attention to the labels, I was shocked to see the long list of unhealthy ingredients. Even those labeled "natural" or "organic" are often chock-full of sugar. Healthy eating and keeping the calories down has motivated us to prepare our own dressings. I immediately thought to call Sherry (her nickname is Vidya- see previous post) who happens to be, among others things, a professional chef. She makes a killer salad dressing that enhances everything it touches.


Sherry's Salad Dressing

3/4 C Virgin Olive Oil
1/4 C Balsamic Vinegar
1 tbs Dijon mustard
1/8 tsp Thyme
Salt & Pepper
Stainless steel bowl
Whisk

Directions:

1) Place balsamic vinegar into the bowl.
2) Place the olive oil in a measuring cup w/ handle.
3) Slowly whisk a small amount of oil into the vinegar.
4) Continue whisking small amounts of oil into the vinegar until it begins to thicken.
5) The mixture will lighten in color as it incorporates.
6) When completely blended, the consistency of the Dressing will "hold" together on the back side of a spoon.
7) Lastly, add in Dijon mustard & Thyme & Salt & Pepper to taste.

The Dressing will last for several weeks. Om Appetite!

So what’s in a Name anyway?

In 1972 I was given the name Gopal by my spiritual teacher Swami Satchidananda. His guidance and instructions were invaluable to me. At that time in my life, I was lost, depressed, and without purpose or meaning. I credit his expert knowledge of the ancient science of Raja Yoga (the Royal Path of Meditation) as the single most important event in my life. By participating in these ancient practices, over the years, I slowly became aware of how the mind functions as an instrument of perception. I credit my meditation practice for awakening within me the ability to observer my confused mind and create a healthier relationship with my thoughts and emotions.

One of the methods that has been used in India, as well as may other cultures, is the use of names to denote specific stages of one’s spiritual growth. The name Gary was given to me by my parents, and as my personality developed I identified myself with it. All the positives and negatives that defined me were encapsulated in that name. Gary was a child, an altar boy, an actor, an athlete, a student, a depressed young man, an angry person when he did not get his way, a hard worker, a kind person to those in need, an ROTC cadet, and (very briefly) a second lieutenant in the United States Army. All the good, the bad and the ugly fell under the name- Gary.

After a few months of practicing Yoga, I was so taken by this science of higher consciousness that I moved into the New York City Integral Yoga Institute. It was after deciding to become a full time yogi that my teacher gave me the spiritual name Gopal. The name has more than one meaning, but the definition I identified with was that it represented the playful aspect of consciousness that is simultaneously dedicated to remaining connected to one’s higher power at all costs.

I began to see that inside of me was two people: Gary was the one who lived in the world, and Gopal was the one who focused on serving others and being spiritually aware. It was Gary who got angry, and Gopal who remembered to take a pause, breathe deeply and get back into balance. Gary was tempted to fall into old unhealthy patterns, and Gopal was the loving voice inside that steered me back on course once again.

When I was invited to take the pre-monastic vows by my teacher, I was given the name Brother Gopal Chaitanya. My new name was a constant reminder of my vows of poverty, chastity and obedience to a higher purpose in life. Gary, who became Gopal, was now trumped by a higher power, one that had a new focus in his life - to live in accordance with the divine. Whenever I used my spiritual name or heard it being used by others, I was immediately reminded of my true purpose in life..

And then I took the monastic vows. I fervently made the decision to serve, to love, to meditate and to realize my true immortal blissful nature. The name I was given was Swami Sudhananda. Swami is a Sanskrit word that means to know one’s true Self, sudha means purity, and ananda means bliss. I was a young enthusiastic twenty-five year old ready to live up to every aspect of his name- to know that my true nature was pure bliss!

Words create a distinct reality inside our heads, and the act of naming brings abstract meaning to mere sounds. And, in my early years practicing yoga and meditation, these sounds were powerful enough to consistently turn my attention to a higher purpose, a more universal understanding of the meaning of life. I was in awe of each of my new names. And through it all, Gary represented my worldly persona while Gopal, Brother Gopal and Swami Sudhananda all tuned me into a wiser, less disturbed, more loving me.

When I left the vows in 1976, after an emotional process led by Swami Satchidananda, I was ordained an interfaith minister. And, even though to this day I never use the title reverend, it is nonetheless my official title. That, of course, is a whole nother story.

Radha, reminding me to stay on track

These days I go by two names: Gary is the one who works in the world, serving and struggling with all the issues that are common to our human nature; and Gopal is the playful, spiritual, and often irreverent guy who loves to meditate and focus on the finer things in life. Gopal is the part of me that knows everything in life has purpose and meaning.

Following in the tradition that has guided seekers for the past five thousand years, I also give a spiritual names to students who are struggling with their mind and want to transcend the familiar patterns that so often lead to frustration and dissatisfaction. By giving them a ‘spiritual nickname’, it reminds them that they are always connected to their inner wisdom and higher power. A perfect example of the effectiveness of this tradition can be found in our dear friend Sherry. She is reminded of her greatness each time she hears us call her Vidya, and in hearing that name, she remembers that she is always a channel for wisdom, clarity, kindness, compassion and love.

our friend Vidya

So, it turns out, there is a lot in a name.

Trance or Meditation?

We've just returned to Florida after a month of, among other things, writing and editing our book in Vancouver. After twelve busy weeks of teaching and leading our Enlightening Relationships seminars, we needed a little rest and relaxation. Vancouver, like South Florida, offers us many opportunities to discover like-minded souls, and last week we enjoyed a leisurely stroll along the water on our way to Granville Island, nestled under the Granville Bridge across from downtown Vancouver. This has become one of our favorite places to take in a show, stock up on the fresh local produce, check out local artists, and dine in one of the many delicious restaurants.

As we meandered our way around the island to meet our friend Fritz, we were engulfed by a sea of excited tourists enjoying the 2010 Olympic games and festivities. There were long lines waiting to get into everyone of the venues, including the pavilions showcasing the provinces of Quebec and Ontario. Live music, events for all ages and a carnival atmosphere had the entire place jumping.

Radha with our friend Fritz

Fritz has been an articulate, intelligent, and socially active citizen of Vancouver ever since he first arrived from San Francisco back in the late sixties. We met him six years ago, while first exploring the delights of the island, and quickly became friends. His decision to become a Canadian was at least partially a response to being arrested in Selma, Alabama, while supporting the civil rights movement. His search for a more socially conscious government brought him to Vancouver. We arrived at his woodwork shop unannounced, and he was delighted to see us.

After of catching up, Fritz asked a question that sparked a lengthy conversation. As one of the senior members of the oldest pagan community in North America, he shared that his group had recently decided to become a teaching community. One of their new members has been practicing Transcendental Meditation for a number of years, and since the pagan group was already familiar with their experiences in the trance state, they quickly realized they needed to know more about the practice of meditation and how it differs from trance.

Radha and I have had a regular meditation practice for close to forty years as well as numerous trance experiences, and I told Fritz about my three most memorable trance experiences:

1) Sufi dancing
2) the movement portion of Osho’s Chaotic Meditations
3) chanting at the Hari Krishna temple in Montreal

In each instance, I experienced myself as an individual in perfect harmony with everything around me: nature, people, the sky, the earth all became an extension of my being. What remained, however, was a definite sense of being an individual, of being a person who is having an experience.

Similar to trance, meditation allows a state of euphoria to saturate the consciousness. The difference for me is that, in deeper states of meditation, all sense of individuality dissolves. There is no "me" to be separate from nature or earth or sky. We become absorbed into something that can only be explained after the experience ends.

During the course of our conversation, Fritz asked me if I would be interested in writing a paper on the differences between trance and meditation for the elders of his community. Fascinated by the topic I agreed.

That brings me to an invitation. If you have experience with trance, meditation (a daily practice for more than a year would be preferable), or especially both, I would appreciate your comments and contributions. Just write them in the comment section of this article, or email them to me at gary@gopalgarybello.com. I have began organizing my thoughts around this topic and look forward to reading yours.

The Twilight Zone

Last night Radha and I went out to eat at East is East, one of our favorite restaurants in Vancouver, which fuses Afghani and East Indian cuisine. We shared a scrumptious dahl soup, a plate of Thai tofu with peppers cooked in a creamy sauce, and saag paneer, with a side of rice and a chapatti. It was delicious, and the staff is fabulous, possessing a remarkable ability to make authentic contact each and every time we dine there.

After our server placed two small complimentary cups of chai on the table, I remarked to Radha, “I feel like I know that girl.”

“You felt it too?” she replied.

“Yeah, I can’t get over this town - I feel like I already know every other person on the street.”

“It’s the strangest thing," she agreed. "I keep getting a steady stream of déjà vu in this city.”

“That reminds me," I said. "I forgot to tell you about my training session on Monday.”

“What’s happened?”

“Well, I saw a woman walk in while I was warming up, and had the strongest feeling of having seen her before.”

“See, it happens all the time,” Radha said.

“Well, five minutes later she walked right up to me and starting talking to me.”

“Wow.”

“It turns out that she's the director of the Callanish Society."

“Jamie Brown?” she remembered.

“That’s her.”

Radha was surprised. “She recognized you?”

“Not only that," I answered. "She also remembered we taught in Florida and said to send you her love."

She smiled warmly and took a sip of her chai. “"I love that they give emotional support to cancer patients.”

"Don't you just love this town. Everyone treats you like family.’ I thought for a moment. “Remember what Spice told us four years ago?”

"I do," Radha replied. "'Sell your house and get out of Florida as soon as possible!'”

“Good thing we met a psychic realtor,” I said. "The bubble burst almost immediately after she told us that.”

“We were fortunate to avoid the crash," she agreed. "It’s almost like we are living in the twilight zone."

As soon as Radha spoke the words, it was as if we heard Rod Serling speaking in the background, and that strange melody ringing in our ears. We paid for our meal and walked back to our car, glancing into the pubs along the way. Men’s hockey was playing on every television set in town, and the stools were filled with patrons garbed in red shirts, drinking beer and yelling.

Welcome to the the Twilight Zone.

Rice, Broccoli, and Feta Cheese Sauté

There have been many family and meditation days with our yogic community over our years in Vermont and Florida, and we always enjoy a great lunch after our sadhana (spiritual practices that enable us to hold the feeling of Oneness in our heart) and satsang (a gathering focused on that space of Oneness).

Since we're often blessed with unexpected guests during these meditation days, I'm always on the lookout for the recipe that can be doubled and tripled at the last minute as needed. Prior to the Internet, I counted on cookbooks like Quick Vegetarian Pleasures by Jeanne Lemlin.

Since both Gopal and I are fans of broccoli, the following recipe from her book works really well. More importantly, I've found that even those who are terrified by green vegetables love this combination!

Rice, Broccoli, and Feta Cheese Saute (serves 3)

1 cup brown rice 2 cups water
1/2 tsp. salt
1/4 cup olive oil
4 garlic cloves
2 med. tomatoes, cored, seeded and diced
1 bunch broccoli (5 cups) cut bite-size
1/2 tsp dried oregano
1/4 water
1 cup (5 oz) crumbled feta cheese
Freshly ground black pepper

Cook rice while sautéing garlic in olive oil for 2 minutes, then add tomatoes and sauté 2 more minutes. Add broccoli and oregano, toss well, pour in water, and cover the pan. Cook for 5 minutes at medium high heat until broccolli is tender. (Not mushy!)

Remove cover occasionally and toss when checking. Stir in the hot rice, feta cheese and black pepper to taste. Serve immediately and enjoy!

For a pleasing accompaniment, try sliced tomatoes drizzled with balsamic vinaigrette.

Fellowship, Friendship, Acquaintance-ship

On Sunday Radha and I flew home to Vancouver, and took the opportunity to discuss one of the chapters from our book, "You've Got A Friend." Over the course of our thirty-four years together, we've had the privilege to meet many wonderful people. We have also noticed that each of those relationships contained a definite level of intimacy, with that in mind we placed all of our relationships into three categories – acquaintances, friends, and fellowship.

Acquaintances are our associates, those we know on a casual social basis or our many business contacts. This category also includes: students; people we meet on our travels; sponsors and supporters of our Enlightening Relationships programs; even some of our family members are in this category; and finally those individuals and couples that we serve by performing weddings, funerals, and a number of our life transition ceremonies.

The second group includes friends. These are individuals with whom we have a much closer relationship. They are companions who hold similar beliefs and ideas. With these people we have emotional ties, and a shared history that keeps us connected. With our friends we are more relaxed and at ease.

However, with friends, as with acquaintances, there are definite limitations. We are careful not to overstep the parameters of the friendship. If you have a work-friend, for example, you may not feel comfortable sharing problems about finances, or your marriage. If you have a sports-friend you unite within that arena. For us friendship includes a deep respect for each others boundaries. We have friends we have known for many years and although dear to us, we understand that we do not reveal everything about our lives to each other. We love them for who they are. When an individual is only a friend, to us that means that there is a sense of reservation present.

The third category is fellowship. These are the people with whom we are most intimate (in-to-me-see). There are few, if any, reservations with people in this group; we trust each other implicitly. With members of our fellowship we would never allow anything to cause separation between us. Obviously, there are fewer people in this category. We invite and delight in constructive criticism. In our fellowship we have very few 'withholds'. Whenever an issue (self-limiting belief) is activated, we always take responsibility-never blaming the other person! Those in this group take 100% responsibility for their actions. These people posses a high level of integrity- to the best of our ability we are honest and authentic with each other .

Since we have never met anyone who is perfect, in our fellowship we can always count on loving kindness whenever we are out of balance. We do not expect that from friends or acquaintances. Our intention is to always be For Giving, and we can always call on a member of our fellowship when in need.

Please notice that the Mandala above is divided into three circles. The center holds our Fellowship, the second circle contains our Friends and in the outer third circle our Acquaintances reside. These relationship circles represent a fluid ongoing journey into the emotional and rewarding world of inter-personal relationships.

Oh, one last thing, there are no hard and fast rules here. No rigid delineations. There are numerous examples of an acquaintance immediately becoming a friend or a friend entering our fellowship. And it can go in the opposite direction as well. Just recently someone we love dearly choose to remove us from his life. Sad as that was for us, we understood and respected his decision.

This three-tiered system allows us to have realistic expectations with all the many people we encounter in our life.

excerpt from Chapter 14: "You've Got a Friend"

While Lee walked inside the coffee shop, I strolled over to the bench and sat down. The sun was still low in the sky over the harbor, and I enjoyed the sounds of pigeons as they fluttered around the small park. I recalled the summers I spent in Cambridge when Lee and I were still married. His construction business was just starting out, and I would take a few weeks at the beginning of each summer for myself. In some ways it seemed so distant, and yet the city still felt the same after all these years. Lee’s voice brought me back.

“Here’s your drink.”

I took the cup and inhaled deeply. “Thanks. It smells great.”

“My pleasure.” He sat down beside me. “So I'm assuming I'm a friend?”

“Absolutely not,” I answered.

A confused expression came across his face. “What do you mean I'm not a friend?”

“Relax,” I said. “You're way more than a friend.”

“More than a friend?” he asked. “Did I graduate to family?”

“No, you don’t get to choose family. You're in our fellowship.”

“I’m honored… I think.” He look puzzled. “Is this a Lord of the Rings thing?”

“Cute.” I took a sip of my latte. “No, a little less theatrical. They're the people you trust the most.”

“That’s what I call a close friend.”

“Yeah,” I replied. “But the word ‘friend’ can mean different things to different people.”

“I’m still not sure I get it.”

I thought for a moment. “Well, who’s your best friend?”

He answered without thinking, “Ron.”

“And he's more than a close friend, right?”

“Absolutely, I tell him everything. He always plays it straight with me, even if it’s not what I want to hear. I do the same for him.”

“And what about me?”

“What do you mean?” he asked.

“Am I just chopped tofu?” I teased.

“Well,” Lee laughed, “you're my best girl friend.”

“How come?”

He answered earnestly, “Because I know you’ll be there for me no matter what.”

“And what about Gary?” I continued.

“Same thing,” he said.

“So for us, we have more than one best friend. That’s what we call fellowship. Gary and I have about a dozen people we can count on.”

Lee paused for a moment. “I guess I only have three of those people in my life.” He looked out across the park and took another drink of his coffee. “It’s funny…”

“What's that?” I asked.

“I feel like we’re closer now than we were when we were married.”

I touched his hand. “Me, too.”

“A lot of my friends don’t even talk to their ex’s.”

“Geez,” I said. “I can't imagine that. We’ve been through so much together.”

Radha with her first husband Lee,
still friends more than 30 years after their divorce

Birthdays, Anniversaries, and Coincidences

Yesterday was my birthday, and as chance (fate? luck?) would have it, I was born in the same year that Gary and Radha got married. This is just one of the many happy coincidences we've discovered since the project began, and during this time I've come to know more and more deeply that some things are just meant to be. I've listened to each of them tell their stories, and watched the ways in which the past inevitably takes on hues of the present.

The story of their coming together would read very differently had it gone any other way. If Radha had chosen not to go to the 1976 silent retreat in Newport, or if Gary had never gone to visit her at the dome that fall, or if their marriage had fallen apart during the difficult times they shared together - if any of these things had happened, it wouldn't be the same book.

This is why I don't indulge in hypotheticals.

The fact that it did happen, and even with all the shadows of memory, it is a beautiful story. One of the first intimate conversations I had with Gary, I asked him, "Why did you leave the vows?" I didn't understand how someone who had been so committed, so rigorous, so steely in his resolve could have possible forgiven himself after realizing he had taken a vow he couldn't keep. Gary's answer, however, was as genuine as it was insightful. He responded: it wasn't my dharma.

This was something I understood. In my own life, I have lived - by the most conservative measure - three separate lives. Each of them has been beautiful in its own way, and likewise each of them has been painful to leave behind. When Gary answered me that day in December 2007, I immediately knew that the transition from monasticism to the life of the householder was a painful one because it meant letting go of many of the concepts he had spent the previous five years believing about himself.

Furthermore, I understood (perhaps even more than he did at the time) that it wasn't a matter of the vows not being right for him, but rather a question of him not being right for the vows. I believe this is a sadness we have all felt at one time or another, the moment of realizing we are not the people we thought we were, and I was curious to know more about how it all unfolded.

- Jeremy

Another View

When Gary first mentioned the idea of writing a book, I thought: who cares about an ex-swami and a hippie from the hills of Vermont?

Anyone that knows me, knows that I serve as ballast to his intrepid enthusiasm. I didn't understand the point of writing about ourselves if it was going to be nothing more than exercise in vanity. My husband is is nothing if not persistent, however, and after a couple of years he had amassed a number of chapters about different episodes in our life.

The book took on a life of its own, however, when a young writer named Jeremy came into our life a little more than two years ago. What initially began as a relationship based on barter (he was doing sessions with Gary) grew into something else. For the first time I was able to see Gary's initial vision, and the book took on a life of its own.

Since then, the format has kept changing and morphing, presenting itself in three distinct forms before finally maturing into what its become today. It is the story of two people who began their journey as just a couple of immature kids, straight out of college, confused and searching for meaning. Being such different people, we found it in different ways - the path of marriage and the path of renunciation.

Neither gave us what we were looking for, but in exploring further we found each other and our path together in yoga. It seems strange that so many people have such negative reactions to what was such a powerful, positive experience that continues on, "34 years and counting..."

These years have helped us in developing our trainings and workshops, and in the chapters we share our process by exploring those situations that helped us to understand ourselves and bring clarity to issues that keep us stuck in the past. We've watched our relationship tools transform people's lives, and if the title exposes more readers to our work I'm all for it .

second excerpt from Chapter 1: "He Says, She Says"

“… Gary left his monastic vows in 1977 to marry his wife Radha, the lovely woman who captured the swami’s heart. They have been married nearly thirty years and travel the world teaching yoga and meditation. Together they lead seminars and help others to grow by sharing their relationship tools. So without further delay, I now present to you our dear friend Gary ‘Gopal’ Bello.”

I stood up and began making my way from the audience to the stage. Although outwardly calm, I felt taken aback by Robert’s introduction. Radha was not the reason I left my monastic vows, and as soon as the words left his mouth I felt a tightness in my chest. The walk to the front of the auditorium allowed me time to recover, and I lengthened my exhalations as I walked up the steps . A large black armchair with a small table and bouquet of flowers occupied the middle of the stage, and I sat down pulling my legs into a cross-legged position. As Robert clipped a lapel microphone to my purple shirt, I looked out at the room. It was the first time I had spoken at Satchidananda ashram in over twenty-five years, and I didn’t want my reaction to prevent me from connecting with the audience.

I spent the next hour recounting my introduction to yoga and the early days of the Integral Yoga Institute with my teacher Swami Satchidananda. The audience enjoyed my tales of the early Seventies and anecdotes of India, and my mind let go of Robert’s comment until later that night.

“Can you believe he said that?”

My wife and I were in bed, reviewing our financials. We were closing on a house in Vancouver in April, but our home in Florida had been sitting without an offer for more than a year. Carrying a second mortgage was going to be cutting it close. “Said what?” I asked.

“That I was the reason you stopped being a swami.”

“I'm sure he was only trying to pay you a compliment. Robert has a good heart.” I returned my attention to the paperwork and the room fell quiet. Too quiet.

“Hon, I want to talk about this.”

I recognized the sound of a hurt little girl in my wife’s voice, and I set aside the notepad. “Wow, it really touched something deep, didn’t it?”

“Of course it did. How would you like it if people had been repeating rumors about you for the past thirty years?”

“I don’t think it’s really as bad as that is it?”

“Obviously it is or else Robert wouldn’t have brought it up in front of two hundred people. He knows we’re teaching first thing in the morning, and now everyone’s going to be looking at me like I'm the woman who swooped in and carried off their precious Swami Sudhananda.”

Radha was more affected than I had initially realized. “I reacted for a moment too, hon.”

“Really? You couldn’t tell from the audience.”

“Well, it was subtle, but it was there.”

“What happened with you?”

I tossed the pillow to the foot of the bed and positioned myself so that I was directly across from Radha. I looked her in the eyes as I began, “When Robert made that comment, I noticed a definite tightness in my chest.”

“Me, too.”

“I didn’t want people to blame you for my decision to leave my vows.”

Radha thought for a moment. “Did I?”

“No. I wanted out before I met you, but I hadn't made a decision.”

“Why not?” she asked.

“I was afraid of being rejected by Swamiji. You remember the shape I was in when I showed up at the dome. All I could think about was how to leave the vows without being kicked out of the organization.”

“That’s how I remember it too, but I wasn’t sure if it still looked that way in retrospect.”

“It does, but I had an issue with Robert introducing you as the woman who ‘captured my heart.’ It happened in the blink of an eye, and my mind created a story that I had to set the record straight.”

“I'm glad you didn’t take that route.”

“I learned a long time that you don’t need me to defend you.” Gopal took my hand. “What happened with you?”

Radha responded, “I got pissed. I felt attacked. It felt like they believed it was my fault.”

“You didn’t believe that story did you?” I gently asked.

“Now that you mention it, I guess I did. I've been thinking about his comment for the past two hours.”

“I wonder what the issue is underneath?”

Radha closed her eyes and took another deep breath. The intonation of her voice changed as she whispered, “I felt judged.”